100 Percent...

I will turn 21 in less than two weeks. One of the biggest things that I've had to come to grips with is that my maturity level is not that of the average 20 year old. Instead of going to an expensive trip for Spring Break, I'm working to save up money for summer. It's really difficult to find others who have the same maturity level that I have, especially in the relationship realm. Most of my friends are older than I am, but that's because my maturity matches up better with theirs usually than people my age. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not bashing my peers who are my age (Madison, my best friend, is 20 as well) but I find refuge in older people because they can give me an opinion that I trust.

Though I have never been in a committed relationship, I'm fully aware of what it takes to be in one. Being in a relationship takes giving 100% of yourself in return for 100% of your partner. Recently, someone who I was interested in, and who was mutually interested in me, told me that they couldn't be with me because they couldn't give me 100% of themselves. What's even more interesting is that this person said they didn't understand 100% of who they were. That was their basic and concrete definition for why they couldn't be in a relationship with me. OK, that's the story, now here come the questions that I have regarding it...

Confidence in who I am as a person has been an inevitable force since I was a senior in high school. Once I found my truest passion, and started to seek God for guidance in my passion, that was when I was revealed the pieces of what makes me who I am... I was 17 when all of this happened. When is it that we as people understand who we are? Is there a defining moment? Or are there pieces revealed every time we open our eyes to start a new day? My personal answer is the latter. It's through experiences, and living life everyday that we understand the intricacies of our minds, bodies and souls. There are things about myself that I am so excited to find out about. It's like trying to fill out a questionnaire to understand everything about yourself. Unless your confronted with certain situations, you will never really understand different facets of what you like and dislike or who you are as a person.

Unless your confronted with certain situations, you will never really understand different facets of what you like and dislike or who you are as a person.
Next question, Isn't being in a relationship the premiere way we find out what we like and who we are? Whether it's a relationship with your mom, boyfriend, dog, best friend, coworker or even your Lord and Savior, the actions of others, and the effect it has on you is an indicator of who you are. There isn't a list of things that you can check off to be with someone. You may say you don't like certain things or certain things don't attract you, but until you're confronted with those things, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

So, to that person, I really hope you realize that you will never understand 100% of yourself. Life is too vast, and yet too short, to understand and deal with all of the things that make you who you are. I hope you find someone that helps you reveal more pieces of who makes you who you are. I hope you let Christ reveal those things as well... I'm definitely doing the same!

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